rant {
Alrighty folks, so the KP itself is not so dreadfully bad any more - just keeping to my calves for the most part. But I was an obsessive self-hating picker who just couldn't keep her nails off herself when getting into the shower, getting (un)dressed for bed etc. That OC behavior I got over just a short time ago. The scars however are still there, hyperpigmented in various shades of brown, and ugly. Fading, yes, but not fast enough!

Recently I found myself an absolutely excellent specimen of the male species. This is where being insecure and self-conscious about myself comes in: he's not ashamed of anything nor has he the reason to be! He wants to have sex during the day, keep the lights on at night. All natural, methinks, but the shame! Surely, after the first time he did ask me why we had to turn the lights off. I told him I had scars to which he replied he couldn't FEEL any! Well, duh, your fingers can't feel discoloration, and he didn't sound horrified when I told him, just puzzled at my shyness... Marks on my legs, on my ass, on the backs of my arms - I admit that I don't exactly look like spotted dick but a good helping of brownish marks on ones behind doesn't encourage her to flaunt it!

I wouldn't give the slightest if he had terrible scars from third degree burns or something, I'd still want him. Logic says that scars, especially the disappearing kind, are not that big a deal, people are attracted to each other for very complicated reasons. My fragile emotions say that if he saw my bad skin, he'd feel uncomfortable touching it thus making me feel extremely bad about myself, resulting in ME letting HIM go.

I find it so difficult to get over this even though I know that I HAVE to.
I'm not willing to simply let go such a catch.

Life sucks and I don't have a helmet.
;
}
//rant

I know exactly how you feel...I have brownish dots all over my legs and my upper arm, they used to feel like sand paper which is horrible, that's why I don't let anyone touch me. I'm doing treatments and my skin is a lot smoother now, but the dots are still there. I guess if the dots were on someone else, I wouldn't feel disgusted or anything, but they're on me, and I'm scared that people will freak out or be disgusted when they see the dots... I wanna try lightening cream but I'm not really sure...I heard your skin gets worse if you stop using them...

Well i'm a 23 year old male and to be honest, i have depression so sex is not an issue with me and i know it sounds strange but this condition has totally killed any desire for that. I guess if your sex life is the only thing thats affected from this ****, your ahead of the game.

OmegaMolecule-

Hopefully you are still with your excellent specimen of the male species as I type this now. I'm 24 and have had KP for as long as I can remember and I completely understand how you feel about having the KP and scars. But from what I can recall from my first relationship, he was curious as to what those bumbs were on my arms but just kinda shrugged it off after I explained what it was to him.

I am still definately very self conscious about my KP but lately I've been getting myself used to wearing practically sleeveless tops. I think if you just ease yourself into showing your skin slowly, then it will cause you less anxiety. Besides, this guy sounds like a great catch and I'm sure he'll understand and won't care about your KP/discolorations. Look at it this way, he's gotta be attracted to you for another reason other than the skin on your legs or behind because of course you two had to have seen eachother's faces first to become attracted to eachother.

Hope this eases your worries and yeah, I admit I'd feel the same as you if I were in your situation. But just keep, EVERYONE has at least one imperfection and often, it's really not that big a deal in the other person's eyes.

I had the same problem, and when I first had sex with my bf I made sure the lights were dim... but used the romantic lighting (candles) as an excuse. My bf found out about my legs soon after, but because he was so into me he just didn't care. One other person I've been with was the same way. He actually asked me why I never wanted to do it in the day time, and I lied and said it was more romantic at night. I think he knew, but maybe he wanted me to tell him first. I never actually ended up telling him, but he somehow fell in love with me and I think he knew I had KP, so I guess KP really is no big deal to others, especially if they are not jerks??

Firstly, I hope all goes well with you and the gentleman...

I completely understand the fear of "being found out" about the KP. I had it since I was a young child (am 20 now), it's never gone away, and my idiot of a father used to say that I looked "like a third-world child" from the bumps and scars all over my legs and arms. So great to have a kind, supportive and understanding father, isn't it? That does wonders to self confidence... that line has stuck with me since 4th grade...

Anyway, the point is that I do feel your pain on this, especially when you're involved (or trying to be) with someone who is in your own mind close to perfect. I too have my eyes on a great guy, and have thought about this way too much for my own good. He and I have known each other for a long time, and honestly, if the worst thing he knows about me is the KP, I'm pretty lucky. He has more dirt on me and my life than my folks...by about triple at least so I think his opinion on my KP is the least of my problems (and for the record, he doesn't care about it in the least so long as MY happiness, well-being and health aren't up on the chopping block from it)

As hard as it is to rationalize sometimes, it helps to keep things in perspective. KP sucks on multiple levels, I think everyone on this forum could agree to that. It's hard enough to keep a rational view when it's your own body, and that rationality gets chewed upon further with all the pressure from the magazine covers to have that air-brushed perfect skin without the help of photoshop and a team of makeup artists to "fix" us. Correct me if I'm wrong, but last I checked about 80% of the planet has KP... sometimes that makes me wonder if it's really a problem, or if society's desire for what is currently considered "perfect" skin is the cause of this skin disease. Societal issues aside, if that statistic is accurate, odds are that he's ran into someone with it before or he or family member of his has KP. And if that's not the case, if the guy seriously is going to choose not to be involved with you for something as trivial as some discolored skin, then honestly he's probably not worth the effort of wooing.

In short , if he's as heart-wrenchingly nice as he seems to be, this KP thing isn't going to be an issue, and being honest with him about how it will in the long run raise your self confidence and will be a good litmus test with this guy.

Brian, I sympathize with you. I'm 22 and I have never had a girlfriend. I have KP and rosacea over my entire body, completely covering my face, arms, legs, back etc. I'm uncomfortable just being too close to people because my skin gets hot and irritated. I can't sleep at night and I have nightmares because I guess I'm supposed to be ok with being a leper. It's very hard to sleep. I get fits of rage often. Girls overlook me; people make fun of me. Girls I have grown close to (who don't find me attractive) tell me I'm a nice guy and should have a girlfriend. That is a very traumatic thing to hear. My greatest wish would not to have to have people feel mercy for me but to somehow overcome all of this -- but it is so overwhelming.

Sounds like you found a wonderful person and I'm sure he will love you for who you are. I can totally relate to how you feel because I am embarressed of my KP too but I am happily married to a wonderful guy who loves my skin (even if I don't). Don't let KP ruin your chances of being in a great relationship. You deserve to be happy!!

I know how you feel! My fiance and I have been together for 4 years, have a child together, and are best friends and I won't let him look at my arms unless I'm havin a good day lol. I don't know what it is...I know he loves me but I get mad when he tells me to take my shirt off! I then try and turn my insecurities on other things like my weight and I now I think I might have an eating disorder...so this KP is really taking a toll on my over all self image

I will say i no longer have kp on my arms even though i do its 98% clear only with a few bumps that nobody can see but me. (Yes i look real close)

My legs are bump free but I have a lot of brown spots all over them they use to be more red but now are gone brown.

My sex life....Well since my skin is smoothi only have sex with dim lights so my skin feels and looks normal under that light. My bf also wants to have sex with the lights on or during the day but i dont. Before my excuses about being shy and body concious use to work but it doesnt anymore. We've been so long together that i cant possibly still be shy of him.(He's words)
I wish that these spots can go away on my legs just so that i can be normal.

Thank you for writing this. I am relieved to know that I'm not alone, especially in the heat/temperature thing. I have to be cool all the time and have fresh air on my skin, or I get overheated and my face gets crazy red and my eyes get bloodshot really bad. They are always red (seems to be related to my sleep disorder), but the heat indoors makes it explode. I have rosacea but am one of the lucky ones whom Metronidazole works pretty well for. My rosacea was in the early stages when I got diagnosed, so it has responded pretty well to treatment, but I have the temperature regulation problems very bad.
It occurred to me the other day that it's convenient that I'm celibate, because I could never live (or sleep) with someone else, because I have to be in cool air and can't have a warm house. Other people all freeze at my house, but it's the only way I can live and not have the rosacea get worse and do more damage.
It is weird that you mention leprosy, because that is what I was thinking the other day, that KP is exactly like it. It is all over your body, so you hide it and people don't know about it, but when they see it they are disgusted.
It's good to hear that some people have had good relationships. For the more mild cases, KP does not have the devastating impact that it can for those who have it over most/all of their bodies. And some people really don't mind it on the other person. But some do - I think many people do, given how they make comments about how it looks, and of course everyone comments on how red my face gets.
It's easy to become socially phobic, because you worry so much about how your skin looks, and it can change instantly (with rosacea, you can go from pink to glaring red in a few minutes), you just can't be comfortable around people. I can't even laugh in front of other people, because it makes my face so red and then they make fun of it or make some stupid ass remark.
This really says it all.

Re: Scars, they often do fade as years go by. Mine start out red, but after 3-4 years they go light pink or even white. I think KP picking scars must go away after a while because there is very little actual tissue damage that has been replaced with scar tissue. A lot of it is just the blood that is still collected in that spot and can take a while to drain.

don't take this as me pitying u or the wrong way but ur stories n experiences that u shared made me cry alittle because i know exactly what ur going through.i never realized intill now how much this **** has bothered me. im also afaird to be intimate with someone because even if i don't show it i still am body conscious and it ****es me off becuz i don't want to be alone for the rest or my life. I mean guys have liked me but idk sometimes i think i shy away becuz i don't want to get hurt and im afaird to get intimate even though my kp inproved and faded alot i still have this fear that it's suddendly going to come back and then they won't want to be with me cuz im like a freak or something.

i can relate to what everyone here is saying. i don't know why because i've been intimate with plenty of people in the past, but right now i'm really scared to become intimate with anyone. i hate when someone touches my legs (where most of the bumps are) and i feel like men expect to find silky-smooth skin there. when i was in college (20+years ago) i was a hippie and didn't shave my legs, so the KP was less noticeable. but i had major anxiety attacks over it, and i believed for a long time that i had the "elephant man" disease. later i was married for 10 years to a guy who also had KP and so he didn't care and that was a relief. after we broke up i went on a dating spree and i have to say no one i was "with" ever mentioned my KP or seemed to mind it. when people have broken up with me it's always been because of something else... the last guy claimed to really like my body (though i think he was lying to make me feel good) and enjoy being physical with me, he just wasn't in love with me.

i met a new guy recently and just became terrified. he lives some distance away so we haven't become physical and i worry that in his mind he has a fantasy of what i am like undressed and that includes a well-toned body and soft skin. i have so much fear about what will happen when reality hits that i don't even want to pursue it. but i was glad to find this forum and start trying some of the treatments that are working for other people. i think in my head that i can use this period of celibacy to get in shape and find some kind of solution for my skin problem.

it doesn't help that i live in a college town that's absolutely flooded with young, gorgeous people. i look at them when i'm walking around and all i see is beautiful bodies with beautiful skin. i read that 40% of people have KP but i don't know where they're all hiding, because i never see them. i feel like a mutant freak. and KP is only one of my mutant-freak body issues. but it's the one that makes me the most afraid to get intimate. maybe i'm using KP as an excuse to be alone because i really can't trust that anyone could love me? even though i was married and my husband loved me (for most of the time anyway) i still feel strongly that nobody is ever going to love me and find me attractive. i know that change begins in the mind and as long as i feel this way i'll probably have that as my reality... but it's really hard to change. in spite of all evidence to the contrary!!!

there's really nothing worse than being liked only "as a friend" by one person after another. ok, there are worse things... like living in a war zone or dying of starvation. or being imprisoned without charge for an indefinite period of time. those things would be a lot worse... got to keep things in perspective.

If I had a sex life! I'd feel the same most likely. I'm what you'd call 'pure' I'm only 19 though. I have scars on my bum which **** me off to no end and I know i'ma **** myself when the special time comes.

But yeah...i'd kill for a boyfriend of any kind right now.

I couldnt but think about waht you have written because my case is very similar right now. It feels like you have to do everything else perfect to compensate Kp or something... i dont know. but im a food- freak and i count every single calorie that goes into my mouth and im terrified of gaining weight because its like i could be "fat as well"... I dont think i have an eating disorder but it feels a bit like when i loose one pound i deal better with KP. So because it is easier for me to loose pounds i control food very much.If im realistic i know that thinking "if loose *** i will wear that bikiny this summer" and maybe i wont do it because i will feel self concious about my skin any way... Dunno. Im doing AHA treatment and also drinking ACV. It is working but it goes really slowly... maybe by summer it will be all cleared!!