Hello,

I've had KP since I was 11 I started noticing the red bumps on my upper legs and as I got older it spread I now have it pretty much everywhere my entire legs, breasts, back, stomach and arms. It's the most severe on my legs its so ugly. I'm almost 24 and for my early teen years I was so depressed and angry then one day I decided to pretend I didn't have it and try not to focus on it or else I was just cry for hours...I haven't been swimming since I was 14 and I stopped because my friends pointed it out and it wasn't even as bad then. I love swimming and every summer I get down because I know I have to lie about why I don't swim anymore or why I where pants when it's 105 degrees why "I hate summer and being outside" I have all these lies and people even my family don't get why I don't want to go to the beach for summer vacation or go on picnics. Everyone thinks I'm weird because I dress so conservatively ie pants in the summer heat. I seriously avoided guys that I liked until a year and a half ago I fell in love and let the pretend world where maybe it will go away take over and thought I could have a chance at being in love and possibly getting married one day well he didn't find out about it and something happened to end it and when that happened everything crashed down I couldn't act like KP didn't exist I couldn't imagine anymore that one day it would be gone I was trying to deal with realizing I would always be alone and would never get to feel water over my entire body and float in it. I lost the majority of my friends because as I'm getting older people are wondering what is wrong with me I've never been kissed only dated one guy briefly and then all the summer issues...I've never told my own family, and they think I'm odd sometimes like I never change in front of my sisters so they make fun of me. When I was a teen I was changing and my mom wanted to come in the bathroom to get something and I wouldn't let her because I didn't want her to see my skin and she got so angry she forced the door open and started hitting me with both hands over and over until my dad came in and got between us and she was still hitting at me then stopped because my dad pushed her back (gently). She has never done anything like that since or even before it was so unlike her and the hitting didn't hurt physically but emotionally I was dying because I couldn't bear the thought of telling them and I made my mom so angry. So anyway I've lost a lot of my friends and don't try for new ones because I can't fit in. My family would be understanding if they knew but I just can't tell them I don't want to be pitied. I can't tell friends because they wouldn't understand. I just have a huge problem now...I think I can live with excluding myself from most joys in life, swimming, being outdoors in the heat, friendships, etc etc etc...but I have this long time guy friend that I care about and I tried pushing him away and he has always been there for me and we started dating recently he doesn't know about my skin and I keep wanting to bail because I'm so ashamed of it he's been so sweet to me and helped me through the depression from the guy I dated before him...it would be wrong to drop him for so many reasons but I can't see how it can work or how I could even tell him even if I did how can I expect him to accept me when I can't accept it myself? I just found out he's going to Afghanistan soon he's a soldier and I know I can't bail on him he doesn't deserve that and he needs me right now but when he gets back I'm going to have to tell him I'm so afraid and with this new guy in my life that I care a lot about it it's like the more my feelings for him grow the more depressed I get about my skin it has been so bad I talked to someone for the first time after 12 years of it I told my doctor and I was so stressed just about telling her that my blood pressure went so high I was close to having to go to the hospital...that's how much this subject upsets me and I feel so scared I want to be with this guy and be there for him but I don't deserve him or anyone I feel deceitful I don't know what the right thing to do is. My sister is aways wanting to go to Hawaii and I want to so bad but I can't because it's all about beaches swimsuits and shorts which I can't do. She's going without me with my other sister and I don't know how to not be sad about it it just makes the depression worse. I hate it when my family bring up how much I loved swimming as a child and why they can't understand why I don't anymore I hear this said every summer sometimes more often and I try to hide the pain it causes when they say it. Also I have ugly breasts with stretch marks which just adds to my ugly body! ugh. I know this was all over the place but I needed to vent...

Hey,

So I kind of know what you are going through. Which is why I am responding. I am 24 years old myself. I've had KP for as long as I can remember, but I can honestly say, growing up it was the least of my concerns. I had a difficult childhood, and the older I got, the more I separated myself from everything. I created whole worlds in my head to escape what I was going through. About two years ago, I realized that I was at the lowest I have ever been. I had shunned my dad and sisters and they didn't know why. I moved to California (Completely across the country) I was embarrassed of what had happened to me, and for some reason I just assumed that they wouldn't believe me, or worse, pity me.

Which is why I can kind of relate to you and I am going to give you some advice. Mind you, I firmly believe advice is exactly as it sounds. Take it, leave it or pass it on. When you type a message like you just did, it makes me feel like you have reached rock bottom. Now, this is important, because there is nowhere to go but up. You fear telling your family about what happened? You think they are going to shun, pity or blame you? Well, from what I read, you no longer share a solid relationship with them. and let me tell you, sometimes you feel okay with it, but trust me when I say, you miss that type of relationship. (At least with your dad.) So you really have nothing to lose by telling them. Your sister especially. She may seem the happy go lucky, perkiest person you have ever met, but if she is a female, and has had any contact to the outside world, she has suffered from low self esteem, and questioned weather she looked pretty enough. She WILL understand.

Now onto your man problems. You've probably heard this before, but if he can't accept you, then he isn't worthy of you. If you are trying to reel in a man based on your looks, please don't expect it to be a lasting relationship.

I also suggest you go to the dermatologist and see what they can do, and (I say this because I have no shame in admitting I needed therapy and still go monthly) maybe go see a shrink. IF you are open to the idea, they really do help.

Basically, I suggest you tell at least one person you are close with. Trust me when I say, if they love you, they will help carry your burden. Once you see how open they are, it will become much easier.

I know this message is a little harsh, but I write it full of heart. I really do wish you resolve your problems. If you need to practice on telling someone, send me a message, and I will help as much as I can.

Dear kansas,
What a story, it really opened up my mind and ideas. I am a 20 years old male and I got pretty much similar issues. I get laughed by friends, that I never had a girlfriend, my parents are angry because I ''fail in life'', I even had to stop with my uni this year, because I have been thinking 24/7 about my kp, and all the things around it.

What hurts me the most, nobody knows what I have and knowing that nobody can help me out. It hurts, watching friends having girlfriends, going to swimming pools, enjoying their life and have a great study year. People have no idea what we are going through.

Everybody says, ooh it's just a skin condition, you should be worry about important things, like getting a job etc. This is where the problem lies, they don't understand it, they all have nice skin and rarely any problems with their skins, this way they are not thinking about it at all, because they are fine.

The thing is why (we) I fail in most things of life. Is because of the kp and nobody realizes it. My only dream is to have nice skin, no kp. That's all... I would be the happiest man on earth if this dream came true. I don't need, good college, good job, or even a big house, I just wan't no kp, this way I would have the confidence of a 'normal' human and would be able to succeed in my goals in life.

It's a small story, basically... in the end... nobody knows...how much this hurt..

I'm 16 and before kp I had really bad acne. It covered my forehead I had it on my back. It was gross. I never went swimming. All my friends would ask why and just like you I had a million lies I was really depressed. Then it started going away. I was so happy but then woops kp starting popping up. I was so depressed. I did tell my mom though. She helped me through it a lot. I do cover up my arms and I don't have many boyfriends. But what I think you should do is while your man is away go out in your backyard and lay out in the sun. Thats what I've been doing. It actually helps. It feels good to just let my skin breathe. Plus no on can see you so you feel comfortable. But if your guy has been there through anything I'm positive your skin won't change anything. He obviously loves you for who you are. Also if you don't want to tell your family or go to a therapist I would just talk to a friend. Find someone that will understand. Just someone being there for you helps so much. Kp has definitley taken a toll on my self esteem but my friends and family have helped me through it. I still have my depressed days but not as much after I told people I could trust. And the first time telling someone sucks but it gets better. I promise. Also this website is a good source of friends that would be there for you since they know exactly what you're going through. I hope I helped.