KP and Romantic Relationships????

kebod · #31 05-11-2008, 12:22 PM

John,

Give her a chance and give her credit for seeing past your exterior. She may be mature enough to see your inner self.

kebod

johnE · #32 05-12-2008, 02:23 AM

thanks for your response kebod. but i know theres no way she could like the present me . i think i was unintentionally rude to her. so she probably won't be trying to talk to me anymore. crisis averted." Give her a chance and give her credit for seeing past your exterior" i wish it worked like that...im feeling depressed not just because of this or kp but because the hole worlds not as i once knew it to be. what i was brought up to believe just isn't how life works. love isn't blind love has 20/20 vision and a good sense of touch. i have become an atheist and its depressing i would rather believe in some religion than be an atheist. but once you go atheist you can't go back.

" Give her a chance and give her credit for seeing past your exterior" im not looking past her exterior as much as i would love to believe i do. i dont none of us do! weather you know it or not if i put her in an unattractive persons body would i still have these feelings? probably not. the hole world would like to be with an attractive partner its wired into our brains. think about the relationships you've had what were the best ones ? why are there never attractive homeless people?
im sorry im such a downer !! i guess im just growing up .

johnE · #33 05-12-2008, 02:43 AM

what is that add? pretty and virtuous chinese ladies. haha i feel better now.
were did the edit button go? i loved that botton.

sari · #34 05-12-2008, 06:39 AM

Dear John, as a female I'd like to say that it is hard to find a guy that you like the look of, have some chemistry with and like their personality - enough to think you might want to hook up with them. If this girl has summed up all this about you, she really shouldn't care about the kp; if she does care about it, she would still think that the rest of your good points outweigh any of the negatives (if she didn't she'd be an idiot).
I know that if I found a nice guy who was right in so many ways, I wouldn't care about his kp. Don't sabotage yourself.

johnE · #35 05-12-2008, 10:30 AM

hi sari,
"I know that if I found a nice guy who was right in so many ways, I wouldn't care about his kp. Don't sabotage yourself."

yah thats easy for us to say [ i couldn't think of anything better than to have a gf with kp] we see the world from a different point of view . but her point of view is different. she'll see me and say to her self contiously and sub contiously that there is something wrong with my health and my genes so i shouldn't be her mate.

also i could not put my self throw that rejection. it would feel so awful!!!!!!!!

julieandrews · #36 05-12-2008, 11:48 AM

People are always attracted to confidence. If you make a big deal of your kp then you're just going to draw attention to it and come across as a whiney insecure person, and nobody really wants to go out with someone like that, they'll run a mile form an insecure person. But be confident and accepting of yourself and thats the key. I had a friend who went out with a guy who had kp. She asked him one day was it was, he just replied 'I don't know but I've always had it'. That was the end of the conversation and it was never mentioned again. They went out for 3 years. Confidence is a person is very very attractive
And to the people who say that they'll never date with KP, well I'm sorry but you have to face facts that you might actually have it for life. Don't waste years of your life waiting for something that might well never happen

johnE · #37 05-12-2008, 09:41 PM

julieandrews,
i dont act like its a big deal when im around people. i had one girl feel up my arm and then ask me what that was....so i calmly explained it to her and she acted like she didn't care. after that night she stopped calling me. and she borrowed a book from me and never returned it. she could have ed least given the book back.

that was a real wake up call for me. if that girl rejected me then theres no way the present girl could like me.

sari · #38 05-12-2008, 10:45 PM

Dear John,

I do understand, I am scared of that rejection too. When I read what you wrote I felt so sad for you (but not pity), because I feel the same way. I know I sabotage myself for fear of rejection and I wish you didn't have to feel that way - I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. My ex got diagnosed with lupes (rare in men), he got horrible rashes and clumps of hair falling out which he was really self conscious about, I couldn't care less about how he looked then - but when he stopped working and starting drinking day and night then that was the beginning of the end of our relationship. Essentially, I guess, he pushed me away. So for 14 years now I have raised our son by myself - he left and only occasionally gets in touch with us. It sucks that I can't get on with my life because I'm always covering up, sometimes I wish I could meet someone but anytime anyone ever shows any interest I run the other way so fast!!!

johnE · #39 05-13-2008, 12:43 AM

thats terrible... about your husband, how long were you two together? does he still have lupus ? so he's not in you daughters life. thats messed up. he should ed least be there for her. i dont understand parents abandoning there kids. my father and step mother abandoned me and my brother when i was 9 that was the last we seen of them. its so weird because they were pretty good parents especially my step mother. they were even fighting for custody of us... i dont miss them though i was lucky enouph to have a great step father .

"It sucks that I can't get on with my life because I'm always covering up, sometimes I wish I could meet someone but anytime anyone ever shows any interest I run the other way so fast!!!"
i know, i cant face the possibility of rejection. i know there not going to understand.

maybe you should try to date a guy with kp. no one ever tries that ???

julieandrews · #40 05-13-2008, 08:21 AM

John, I know something about psychology but it may surprise you to find that you thinking that this amazing girl would never have anything to do you you is actually very egotistical and superior of you. This girl is an adult, has a mind and decision making abilities of her own, so why don't you let her use them? You've already made her mind up for her and not given her a chance to make her own decisions. If she does really like you then she's going to be pretty p'd off that you're denying her the right to make her own decisions. You're still the same person you were before the kp, the person that she got on great with. So you have no right to possibly ruin her potential happiness by taking yourself out of the equation. You may not think that way, but trust me thats actually whats happening.

Now stop feeling sorry for yourself, be a man and go hook up with her!!

Adrian · #41 05-13-2008, 12:06 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by julieandrews

Now stop feeling sorry for yourself, be a man and go hook up with her!!

Man up! You can either take a chance or not. If you choose not to, then don't whine about it. I told you before, if you choose to do nothing, then nothing is what you will get.

Go for it!

Hope4thebest · #42 05-13-2008, 01:51 PM

Yeah John. I know KP can ruin one's self-esteem, but you're not making yourself very attractive right now by consistently having low self-esteem. There are a lot of people out there who couldn't care less about KP. You need to give yourself a chance to find that person.

Also, beauty means different things to different people. Myself personally, I find a person's face to be important. Therefore, I would choose someone with KP over someone with "normal" skin, if I thought he was cuter. (And cute to me may not mean cute to someone else...)

So, there's no need to limit yourself to just someone with KP or assume noone will ever be attracted to you because of KP...

johnE · #43 05-13-2008, 02:34 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by julieandrews

John, I know something about psychology but it may surprise you to find that you thinking that this amazing girl would never have anything to do you you is actually very egotistical and superior of you. This girl is an adult, has a mind and decision making abilities of her own, so why don't you let her use them? You've already made her mind up for her and not given her a chance to make her own decisions. If she does really like you then she's going to be pretty p'd off that you're denying her the right to make her own decisions. You're still the same person you were before the kp, the person that she got on great with. So you have no right to possibly ruin her potential happiness by taking yourself out of the equation. You may not think that way, but trust me thats actually whats happening.

Now stop feeling sorry for yourself, be a man and go hook up with her!!

"very egotistical and superior of you."

ok [sarcasm]
i dont know were you picked up that froydieon bull.

"You're still the same person you were before the kp,"
no im completely different now, that was several years ago. she likes that johne ,not this one. i have made up my mind not to lead her on not to deceive her not to disappoint her ill leave her memory of me untainted.
ed least ill have that.

"be a man and go hook up with her!!" god... i wish it was that easy

.

Quote:
Originally Posted by julieandrews

Now stop feeling sorry for yourself, be a man and go hook up with her!!

Adrian:
Man up! You can either take a chance or not. If you choose not to, then don't whine about it. I told you before, if you choose to do nothing, then nothing is what you will get.

Go for it!

"If you choose not to, then don't whine about it"

whining about it made me feel better. i feel much better now

thats me hugging everybody for giving me edvice.

Hope4thebest:
Re: KP and Romantic Relationships????
Yeah John. I know KP can ruin one's self-esteem, but you're not making yourself very attractive right now by consistently having low self-esteem. There are a lot of people out there who couldn't care less about KP. You need to give yourself a chance to find that person.

Also, beauty means different things to different people. Myself personally, I find a person's face to be important. Therefore, I would choose someone with KP over someone with "normal" skin, if I thought he was cuter. (And cute to me may not mean cute to someone else...)

So, there's no need to limit yourself to just someone with KP or assume noone will ever be attracted to you because of KP...

"I know KP can ruin one's self-esteem, but you're not making yourself very attractive right now by consistently having low self-esteem."

who should i be trying to look attractive to? the forum?

"There are a lot of people out there who couldn't care less about KP. You need to give yourself a chance to find that person."

yah i know, like other people with kp. i will give myself a chance to find that special lady. this girl isn't her.

p.s thanks adrian and julieandrews for your demasculating comments

thanks for all your replies people. i know your all just trying to help me. edleast i still have my faith in man kind!

Adrian · #44 05-13-2008, 02:56 PM

John, on second thought, DON’T step out of the box of emotional isolation that you’ve created for yourself. Instead, I suggest that you play the martyr, and wallow in self-pity.

By all means,
DO NOT give yourself a chance.
CHOOSE to be limited.
CHOOSE to be unavailable.
CHOOSE to be isolated.

You will be happier that way.

If the above looks pretty harsh, it’s meant to. That’s how you come across. Have you considered getting some counseling regarding your low level of self esteem? A professional counselor might help you to see the you that is really there, not the one that you chose to see.

There is a kind and attractive person in there somewhere, find a way to let him out. you can do it.

sari · #45 05-13-2008, 10:14 PM

John,

"maybe you should try to date a guy with kp. no one ever tries that ???" - I would try that but like I said, I run the other way when anyone shows interest so I guess I haven't had time to find out if they do! Just a thought - what about that chicky babe thats after you - maybe she has it?! How good would that be!!!

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