Reach out and touch?????

Hatemyskin · #1 04-03-2006, 07:02 PM

I know that KP is such a "superficial" concern, but it affects me on so many other levels. It has wrecked my self esteem, and made me, in a way, anti-social, because I shy away from interaction on a physical level, for fear that someone will see or touch them.

My husband of 8 years, saw the KP, and could care less. I think in the 11 years I knew him, he only asked once "what are those pimples on your legs?".

Now that we are divorced, I must start dating again, but I am concerned that a new guy will take one look at my legs and go running in the opposite direction. (Listen, I need a cure soon, or I will have to join the nunnery........LOL!!!!!)

What are everyone's thoughts? Have any of you encountered any dating woes, due to KP?

babydoll · #2 04-04-2006, 12:48 AM

LOL.

Well listen to this one.... There was this wonderful guy I was dating for what seemed like eons. I would always stop him when he wanted to become intimate, because I didn't want him to see/feel my skin. Well, finally, we got close, and when he began caressing my arms, he felt my skin, he asked, "You're cold." And silly me said, "Yes I am."

Then a few minutes later, I felt him rubbing his hands over my thighs almost in an inspecting way. Finally he said, "Wow, your legs are rough." I had to confess to him that I was born like that. I felt so bad and embarassed.

But you know, he did not make a big deal of it afterwards. We actually dated for about a year after that. We are still friends to this day.

It may in fact be that we KP's make more of this than non-KP's do. LOL But the begining is always tough because you never know how the other person is going to react to our bumps.

Phantastik · #3 04-04-2006, 01:23 AM

i honestly don't think guys care about how our skin looks...
my last boyfriend only asked me once what it was and i said i don't know and got upset

but we dated for 2 years..when i found out what it was he didn't really seem too interested lol he just thought it was a waste of money for buying all sorts of products

MikeMc · #4 04-04-2006, 02:16 AM

Wow. I'm so glad I found this board. Truthfully, if I met a woman with KP I'd understand and wouldn't give it a second thought but that's because I also suffer from it. As a teenager I dreaded gym class because wearing shorts revealed my horrible secret

and I did get ridiculed for it). You can never tell how a lay person will react to something like this so I understand the fear that a new partner might not understand or will be repulsed by it, or any number of other horrible reactions. I really do. Read on.
When I met my wife I was 23 and my KP was extremely mild (upper arms, a little on my thighs). When I was 26 my doctor prescribed accutane for an uncomplicated but persistent "cystic acne" problem. Within months the skin on face was smooth and wonderful but my KP came roaring back all over my body (stomach, thighs, lower arms etc). Like all of you I began my search for the cure and went as far as trying hypnosis. Nothing worked. The onset of this horrible KP problem was gradual and my wife was very understanding. I also did everything in my power to hide it (body makeup etc.). The next part of the story may seem like too much info but it illustrates how psychologically devastating this condition can be.
In 2001 my wife had an affair. It lasted approximately 6 months. To say I was emotionally crushed would be an understatment. After it ended she wanted to reconcile with me (apparently it didn't work out as she had planned). I'm almost ashamed to say that one of the primary reasons that I agreed to get back together was because I was afraid of what a potential new girlfriend might think about my KP. That was 5 years ago and though I don't regret my decision, there have been times when I've wanted out but I've chosen to stay because, among other issues, I'm afraid that no one else will understand this horrific skin condition.That's not to say that if they found a cure tomorrow that I'd file for divorce but it would be one less obstacle to getting in touch with my true feelings.

My apologies for being long-winded. Once again, I'm glad I found this board and I wish all of you the best of luck at finding the best way to deal with this affliction.

Phantastik · #5 04-04-2006, 02:23 AM

mike that's so sad

i feel the same way though now that i recently became single again. although our relationship was over a long time ago i think one of the main reasons i stayed with him is because i felt ugly because of my kp and like no one else would ever love me. i'm scared of what guys will think. wow i've never told anyone that...

MikeMc · #6 04-04-2006, 02:34 AM

Get it off your chest. I've never told anyone either. It feels good

Did you still feel uncomfortable around him in "intimate' situations? Forgive me if I'm delving too deeply but in my situation, leaving the lights on is out the question.

I think it's our own twisted psychosis that we're afraid no one will ever "love" us because of this but it doesn't make it any less crippling.

Phantastik · #7 04-04-2006, 02:43 AM

actually no..for some reason he was the only guy i ever felt completely comfortable with. lights on didn't bother me lol

MikeMc · #8 04-04-2006, 02:48 AM

It's probably all in my head. I suspect that's the case with most KP sufferers - we think it's much worse than it really is... although it still sucks considerably!

My guess is that your next boyfriend won't care either.

Phantastik · #9 04-04-2006, 03:00 AM

yeah i hope so...
but for the mean time i'm going to enjoy being single because relationships suck anyways lol

but yes i totally agree with you..i think it's all in our heads

MikeMc · #10 04-04-2006, 03:05 AM

You think relationships suck? Try marriage!!

Phantastik · #11 04-04-2006, 03:09 AM

haha i can only imagine..we were engaged. almost flew out to vegas to get married to him the weekend after he asked....thank god i didn't!! LOL

MikeMc · #12 04-04-2006, 03:13 AM

Holy Sh&*T. i just looked at your profile. Born in 86? Stay away from Vegas for at least another 10 years!!!

Phantastik · #13 04-04-2006, 03:18 AM

lol yeah i know i'm young..that's why i'm glad i didn't throw my life away!
you're a cancer too! right on

i love cancers. my mom was born on the 2nd too

bhb202 · #14 04-04-2006, 06:27 AM

This thread has made me realize that if I had gone into therapy years ago things might have turned out a lot better...but, it's never too late to work through these kinds of issues, I guess.

Hatemyskin · #15 04-04-2006, 07:56 AM

Thanks so much for sharing, Mike. I get so mad when people come on this site and say "it's only KP, get over it and live with it". KP is so much more than a skin issue. It affects so many other parts of our life.

Mike, I am so shocked to see that this condition affects men the same way as it does a woman. Welcome to this site!!! We all understand your struggle, and are always here to help you vent, and also provide tips to help living with KP.

Would you guys suggest telling a potential mate early on, that you have KP before they see it?

Quote:

Originally Posted by MikeMc

Wow. I'm so glad I found this board. Truthfully, if I met a woman with KP I'd understand and wouldn't give it a second thought but that's because I also suffer from it. As a teenager I dreaded gym class because wearing shorts revealed my horrible secret

and I did get ridiculed for it). You can never tell how a lay person will react to something like this so I understand the fear that a new partner might not understand or will be repulsed by it, or any number of other horrible reactions. I really do. Read on.
When I met my wife I was 23 and my KP was extremely mild (upper arms, a little on my thighs). When I was 26 my doctor prescribed accutane for an uncomplicated but persistent "cystic acne" problem. Within months the skin on face was smooth and wonderful but my KP came roaring back all over my body (stomach, thighs, lower arms etc). Like all of you I began my search for the cure and went as far as trying hypnosis. Nothing worked. The onset of this horrible KP problem was gradual and my wife was very understanding. I also did everything in my power to hide it (body makeup etc.). The next part of the story may seem like too much info but it illustrates how psychologically devastating this condition can be.
In 2001 my wife had an affair. It lasted approximately 6 months. To say I was emotionally crushed would be an understatment. After it ended she wanted to reconcile with me (apparently it didn't work out as she had planned). I'm almost ashamed to say that one of the primary reasons that I agreed to get back together was because I was afraid of what a potential new girlfriend might think about my KP. That was 5 years ago and though I don't regret my decision, there have been times when I've wanted out but I've chosen to stay because, among other issues, I'm afraid that no one else will understand this horrific skin condition.That's not to say that if they found a cure tomorrow that I'd file for divorce but it would be one less obstacle to getting in touch with my true feelings.

My apologies for being long-winded. Once again, I'm glad I found this board and I wish all of you the best of luck at finding the best way to deal with this affliction.

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