I think when it comes up it comes up, when they see it just tell them. If they really like you they will accept you for who you are..and if they don't like it then they are a shallow pig lol. But I don't think you should just bring it up right away when you start seeing someone, because then you might seem too insecure and that is a turn off
just my opinion

But what if the other person brings up bodily insecurities before you do? And what if, from your point of view, the other person's insecurity is ironically superficial? Like what if, for instance, the other person mentions that he is insecure about being skinny? And you're thinking, that's nothing, in fact your skinniness is not unattractive at all, but wait till you check out my embarrassing skin condition?

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Brian

bhb202 yeah but who really does that?? who is like let's talk about what you are insecure with? lol maybe if you are dating a psychologist

Phantastik, it wasn't a hypothetical--it just happened last week! Oh, man. And no, he's not a psychologist--a psychologist would probably know how to handle these things.

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Brian

oh really????? wow that's crazy..so did you tell him about your kp?

Mike thank you for that post.

I am turning 22 soon, and notice as i get older, i get more hair. which means more possible kp breakouts.

i think im understanding too that this is only going to get worse before it gets better - if it can.

also, about the wife issue - women are just as bad as men when it comes to flirting or trying to look attractive or whatever. its natural. our bodies are programed with the knowledge and desire to reproduce.

when i get married, it wont mean i wouldnt find any other woman attractive, or wouldnt have desire for other women. i would still unconsiciously or willing check out other women. i mean, just the flip of her hair catches my attention.

women are the same way. i would fully expect my wife to want to be desirable to men in general, not just me.

i think when you do find that person you sometimes can get stuck. hey man, if it didnt work out, it didnt work out. i say cut your losses dude, and move on. there are plenty of other women out there who would be great for you.

personally, i have found KP to be a very desirable trait in a woman. i love seeing KP on cute chicks now! i prefer that my woman have it

to touch on the intimacy thing, i recently "hooked up" with a girl who had KP. we didnt really know eachother, so even tho i knew she had KP, she was still shy about it. she wanted to keep her shirt on which was long sleaved. i had my shirt off and the room light was on. i just wanted her to see my arms, so that she would be comfortable.

i knew she had KP because i felt it on her legs. i had never seen KP on a girls leg before, much less felt it.

it was strange, but I loved it! i felt so comfortable about my KP around her. her KP didnt bother me at all, and it didnt stop me from caressing her or whatever. i had a good idea of how she must have felt. but i wanted it to be like it was a non-issue, that because we both had it, it canceled eachother out. hehe.

Lonewolf......now, now, now,... Its almost like saying you prefer women with acne, just because you have acne. lol....But seriously, do you think you would "love" and "prefer" women with KP if you didn't have KP? Anyway, I think you're awesome just for saying that.

fIRST.....TRY BETA CAROTENE VITAMINS NOW.....IT'S LINKED TO A VITA A DEFICEINCY...AND I HAVE BEEN SEEING GREAT RESULTS SO FAR....THANK GOD..



ok....I've totally been thru all the feelings and some akward situations which you've described. Totally thought thru and lived with all these fears. But I'm gonna conquer this...day by daY.....BOTH PHYSICALLY AND ESPECIALLY PYSCHLOGICALLY. I'm 23 and I go to a well known university on the west coast where 3/4 out of the year people are showing some skin cause the weather is good and especially girls my age gotta look sexy....it's a given. Not only has all this made me feel never sexy....but barely a woman. I mean that truly truly.

BUT I think back, and I've never loved myself and loved the way i look. All this agony has been such a wake up call. I'M GOING TO LEARN TO LOVE MYSELF AND APPROVE OF MYSELF REGARDLESS. I know you've all heard this.....but the key to your happiness is loving yourself first. When you say....go on kp, take your best shot, you can't take away the fact that i love and accept myself with or without you.

LONEWOLF...i'm so glad you did that, i'm so glad you're learning to love yourself and come out with confidence....cause there's nothing sexier. I can tell you right now, and i think about this all the time....if a guy i really like had it, even in a lot of places, i wouldn't care. I've exprienced this: a guy can be so freakin hot, but if i don't feel emotionally and intellectually stimulated and i don't feel that he really cares about me, then it feels empty and that's that. But i suppose if he really cares about me and i really care about him then well you know.....fireworks!!! My mom siad something so wonderful...when you love somebody truly then you make love with your mind more than just the body.

Come on girls....we all know that we've seen some not so pretty girls who don't go a month without a boyfriend and there's something so sexy about them,...no matter how they dress.....CONFIDENCE. I don't have it deep down....i'm so insecure and never really want to get really close to a guy of fear that i'm not good enough or pretty enough..but I know how to fake it...i guess. I've been told by guys that I send out these vibes like i know i'm crazy sexy.....CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT???? When a person is insecure...the energy they send out seems to speak for their body and makes them less attractive.


I really want to attend the next national dermatology conference or dermatological research conference and be a speaker.....i have so much to say. we can peform all types of strange and unnecessary surgeries etc. etc., but we can't treat kp!!!
Who's coming with me???



From all corners of my heart,

daze

haha yea, i see what you are trying to say.

my thing is, since i am really self-concious, i prefer a woman who is "flawed" by MTV standards. it would be really hard for me to be with a woman who i considered much more attractive than I. it would just make it hard for me to measure up, at least in my mind.

and since I know what its like to be self-concious about my skin, it would make the attraction to that girl with KP or acne even stronger. espcially since in the back of my mind, i still hold hope for a cure.

same is true for a girl who was carring a bit of extra weight. i was chubby for many years, and now that im in good shape, i know that its possible for any one to get into shape too, if they really wanted to. so weight isnt a big issue for me either, as long as she is still cute and had a good attitude or whatever.

Lonewolf, you took the words out of my mouth. While all of the girls I know drool over the dropdead gorgeous men, I wouldn't even consider entertaining the idea of dating a gorgeous man. In my eyes, I am "damaged".

daisy, you touched on alot of good issues:

im interested in that BC stuff...will any place like Target or Walmart have these pills, or maybe Amazon.com?

totally know what you mean about living on the west coast - im in SoCal and while i love it, the weather makes it hard to cover up. im sure that once i get over my fears, i'll appreciate all the sun and warm weather and how it actually HELPS the skin

i too have always had a hard time with how i look. i am getting worse and worse with my body language and such because I am so self conscious. and it doesnt help that im in great shape now and am a pretty attractive dude. it just makes things worse because now i know all these women are looking at me and trying to get near me/talk to me or whatever. it scares me, and i know i dont show that confidence that women like to see.

its totally an attitude thing - if i walked around like i thought i was the sh*t, it might make me even more attractive, despite my skin. but unfortunatly, i dont feel that way so its hard to pretend. plus i dont want women to expect this really confident guy, and then get to know me and see how shy i really am.

but it is true, guys love girls who act sexy. its very attractive to see a woman who KNOWS shes sexy, even if some guys dont think so. it makes us wonder, wow - what does she know that we dont? its a mystery and its very attractive!

I totally understand what you guys are saying and have felt the same way. Unlike you guys though, I've never had a relationship because I was too embarrassed to let someone touch my skin. I get asked out frequently but I always lie and say I already have a boyfriend because it just feels easier to lie than let someone see/touch my KP. And while many people say guys don't even notice, in my experience, they definitely have, and weren't exactly nice about it

Maybe we should start a dating service on this board, haha. I think the only kind of guy I would ever be comfortable with is a fellow KPer!

Pinky,

You're gonna make me cry. That is sooo sad. Listen, there are many, many guys in this world who are not as shallow as those guys you've mentioned. If these guys treated you badly, then they are not even worth the time you took to write about them. Now there!!

Go by the individual's personality first. Listen to him. Listen to the type of things he says about other people. Pay attention to the type of questions he asks you. Are the questions primarily about your body, looks etc? Or are the questions about your education, family, values etc. Listen to how he describes or talks about women in his family and life in general.

This will allow you great insight into how deep or superficial he is...whether the content of his character has substance or not.

I am a very social person by nature, so I can't help but be around people all the time. So I've found a way to just make people accept me.... Pinky do you know how I do this? .....Self confidence. You make people see you happy with yourself, and they in turn want to get to know you and be close to you, no matter what physical package you are wrapped in.

When I was in college, there was this guy who was bound to a wheelchair (quadriplegic),....one of the most beautiful girls in school began dating him. See, he is one the most sweetest guys in the world, and that is what the girl saw, more than his physical package. There are guys out there...cute guys...intelligent guys...stable guys who are not superficial.

Life is too short to remain alone and lonely.

.....and about the dating service thing....hmmmmmm.....talk to the admin about it.......LOL....

Wow, this is an amazing thread. I am just awed to hear these perspectives--which echo so much of what I've been through, and continue to deal with--articulated so explicitly. Right now--I'm in a state of active looking for someone to date--my point of view swings wildly between [speaking to myself] "Get over it, people love people for who they are, and it's not really even that bad, anyway," etc., and "You're absolutely going to repulse and horrify whoever ends up with you"--the "damaged goods" outlook. From one day to the next, one hour to the next, the outlook can change...this is exactly why I've always harbored a version of The Lonewolf Fantasy (TLF): to find an attractive person who also has KP, our mutual horrors cancel each other out, and we just get on with it...

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Brian

If you read one of my first posts ( a few days ago I stayed in a marriage gone bad partly because I was afraid of what a new person would think of my KP (which has gotten exponentially worse since my wedding day). We shouldn't fool ourselves; people will notice this skin condition. Yet, at the same time, it's not nearly as bad as we think it is.

Pinky, any guy who would mention it or in any way denigrate you for it is a complete fu**%ng imbecile and not the type of guy you want to be with. I don't know how old you are but that sounds like a maturity issue to me.

A dating service is a pretty good idea though You wouldn't have to give it a second thought.