I first would like to say “thank you” to everyone who is a part of this community.

I’d also like to say that for some reason, I have mixed feelings when coming here. A sense of hope, but also a sense of great despair knowing that there are still suffers out there, and that a cure has not been found…

I’d like to share a bit about my experiences and dealings with KP:

It started in the beginning as a positive. I say that, because as a baby/young child, I had rosey cheeks. The ladies loved it, and I actually remember the positive vibes I would feel about it. I remember how my mother’s friends would comment about my cheeks, and I would love the positive attention. Elementary school brought sports and such, and my face would get really red. It became an annoyance and no longer was a pleasant thing. I also noticed the KP on my arms, and I still remember an instance where this girl called it acne. That was a big deal, because I wasn’t even old enough to have acne, and thus it started a negative feeling I had about skin conditions. Its funny, but I didn’t even know that there is anything “wrong” until I started getting people bring it up. It made me feel different, and not in a good way.

Preteens and highschool brought many changes to my body. My redness on my cheeks became more defined. People would ask it was sunburn, if I had gotten hit in the face, etc. A bit of teen depression took hold of me. My younger siblings were not sensitive to my anxiety. I began to draw away from my family. I stopped playing sports (I was consistently and All-star in multiple sports), I gained weight (eating became my comfort) and sort of turned into a bit of a nerd. I wouldn’t like to go shirtless because of the KP on my arms and my added weight. I choose friends who I felt were level with me. This was a far change from a few years previous, where I was a popular kid who had lots of friends and girlfriends. I became a sort of recluse, and my parents of course didn’t understand. My mom took me to the derm, and I left with no real answers. Just more anxiety. High school was rough.

Skipping ahead a bit, I am now close to 21. Over the last 6 months, I started hitting the gym and becoming more aware of my eating habits. I lost over 55 pounds, and gain some excellent definition and musculature. In fact, I am probably considered very good-looking. I wear clothes that fit me well, as opposed to baggy clothes that hid my chubbiness. This has brought me a complete 180 degree difference in attention. Now I can’t go anywhere without people staring. You would think this is great, right? Women of all ages are now falling over themselves to get my attention or to stare at me. But it has made things even harder. Now I am much more aware of my appearance, and it causes me even greater anxiety. I am at my all-time low now. My problem now is my KP on my arms. In form-fitting long sleeved shirts, my arms look great. I have that “ripped” look going. But its summer time in southern California, and I cant wear short sleeves. I just will not do it. In fact, tomorrow im going to the tanning booth instead of the beach. Its horrible how this is affecting me. I don’t wear anything but long sleeves now. My closest friend noticed my KP finally about a month or so ago, and now I don’t hang out with him. And its because I choose not to. I haven’t talked to him about it or anything. And I’ve shared all kinds of stuff with him. But this damn KP is something I just can’t deal with. For some reason, all this KP stuff has been affecting me the most since I got into shape. I cant wear baggy clothes to hide myself. I get all this attention from women, but I am not used to it, so I don’t have that confidence. Its like all of the sudden, women want to get so close to me. It makes me get so timid. So I wear clothes to hide. And I hate it. I want to go to the beach and be like all the other guys. I want to walk around in shorts and a t-shirt, and have a pretty girlfriend and all that, but I do everything alone now. I would rather no one know I have this KP. I hate this ****. I know I shouldn’t care what people think. I know that if one day, this KP was cured magically, I would focus on one of a number of things about myself that I am self-conscious about. But everyday I go to work and I have to wear a long-sleeved shirt. I love the outdoors, but I stay inside.

I chose this screen name, Lone Wolf, because it pretty much describes me. If I do go to the beach, I go alone. And I stay away from people. Sometimes I want to examine my arms in the sun, but I cant because there are usually people around. So I’ll go for a long run down the beach, trying to get tan, and trying to run past people so they don’t see me. I hate this lifestyle, but I don’t see myself changing anything anytime soon. I’ve stopped going surfing with my friend once he noticed my KP. And since its summer time, the wetsuit can’t hide me anymore. The water is getting warm enough for just shorts. So I’ve stopped going surfing with my buddy. I hate this. But I just don’t see myself changing unless my KP gets better. It’s constantly on my mind. There are hobbies that I have (reading, watching movies, playing video games) that I can do alone, and take my mind off the KP for a bit. But it’s a constant burden. I go everywhere in public with long sleeves. I go to the gym in long sleeves to hide my KP. What does that do? It just causes the girls to stare because I guess I look good in the tight shirt. But will I dare go to the gym in a form fitting T-shirt? NO WAY! Gosh this is horrible. I have written a lot, and left out a lot, haha! But anyways, thanks for reading. So much is happening that its hard to deal with it all. It feels good to get some of this off my chest.

I know this will sound hard but if you want to have a normal life you're going to have to face your fear.

What is the worst thing that could happen if someone saw your kp? Would you be more isolated, more friendless? But what if they see and they still want to be your friend? Then you have gained not lost.

I'm speaking from experience as I have a very bad case of kp. I know how awful it is to finally wear something which lets it be seen! You know, you think everyone's going to be like 'urgh! look at her skin!' but no one even cares believe me!

You are sort of... dare I say it...'fortunate'... to be a man with kp as girls are so much less bothered about such things on a guy than the other way around! Not all us girls want a man to be so perfect you know! Think of the kp as a yard stick, anyone who sees it and still comes up and talks to you must be the right sort of friend for you! If they run away in disgust then you wouldn't want them as your friend anyhow.

I know it's hard. I would start with the friend you've stopped hanging around with. Try wearing short sleeves around him and see if it effects your relationship. Does he treat you any differently? Confide in him, if he's any kind of friend he'll sympathise.

Have you read the posts about nutritional deficiencies? I have been trying calcium, vit D, Fish Oils etc and have seen some encouraging improvements. If you could get a little improvement maybe it would give you the boost you need.

All the best!

Dude, I totally feel you. I'm a 24 year old guy and have been dealing with KP since 10th grade. It has gotten gradually worse and my eating habits when I was 20 to 22 was horrible. Then, about almost 2 years ago now, I looked at myself in the mirror and realized that I was taking care of my body and I made the vow that day to change myself. I lost 30 pounds and work out regularly and watch what I eat and drink plenty of water. Now, I have a really good form and it gets better everyday. I've got really good definition and my abs are finally coming out, but the KP remains. I have been really dillengent this past few months on trying out all sorts of things on KP. I haven't really chosen to do anything before because derms told me I'd just grow out of it. Wrong! My KP is getting better and my skin is softer than every before. I still have some red bumps, but I'm figuring that will take a little bit of time to heal. With KP remember, moisturize and gently exfoliate once a week. Also, the sun is good, but I found for me that too much dries out my skin making KP worse and although my skin does get darker, the KP spots got darker as well. I'm starting to believe the KP is more curable from the inside out. I've tried everything topical under the sun and it doesn't really do much. A lot of them seemed to make my KP worse by making it even redder, jeez. I upped my Vitamin E, flaxseed oil, Vitamin A intake as well as taking a multi vitamin every morning. It's been about 3 1/2 weeks and I am starting to see a difference. Plus, I stopped scrubbing myself so much because that really seemed to hurt everything way bad.

So hey, your not alone in and you and me are very alike. Just keep your confidence up and come to realize that if someone is that offended by your KP, then you probably don't want to know them anyways. Just live life to the fullest with what your given. Hey e-mail me at ufcmofo@yahoo.com if ya wanna talk. Take it easy bro.

man, I can't tell you how much I understand lonewolf. I don't need to post my story because it is identical to yours from wearing long sleeves all the time to being pretty good looking but not being able to enjoy it. It is nearly impossible to try and get people to understand because everyone who i've tried to explain it to just say i'm being obsessive and i need to get over it. I have been using some light tca peels that I bought from platinumskincare.com and it seems to be helping a bit, however I don't think they are going deep enough. I am going to have to go and get a tca peel done by a trained professional because they are the only ones that will be able to go deep enough. Like you, I will not stop to enjoy life until I improve this **** and that may sound vain, but that is the decision i've made.

fifi, thanks for the advice. You have said pretty much what I know deep down, but why is it so hard? I am going to have to face this eventually. My friend has picked up on my dress habits. He even noticed some am lactin packets in my room. I havent told him anything, but I know he knows, and it makes it weird. I see how he tries not to notice, and I should be grateful that he is sensitive to it. But its difficult knowing that someone else knows. I've been so hidden about it. I am interested in learning more about the nutritional deficiencies. I take a daily mulitvitamin, but it is low in calcium and vitamin A. I should get something better. I am also lactose intolerate (based on my own diagnosis...I get pretty bad gas with dairy products), so maybe there is a link...

skinaware, I noticed u live in Las vegas. Can you believe I have considered moving somewhere where I could live in long sleeves more? I couldnt imagine living in the desert! Its cool to hear that there is someone else out there in my same situation. I too thought I could ignore it, and that it would get better. I now use lotions and loofas and all that now. It gets annoying dealing with all of this matainance. But my skin is better for it. I have much better overall skin health since I have started trying to fix things. But the KP is still there. Funny you mention the scrubbing....last night I started I got fed up and scrubed the **** outta my arms...it seems to damage the skin, even if it does break up all the plugs. Man this is tough. Nothing seems to be right...

I dont know if people being offended by my KP is the problem. Its the quiet stares. Just knowing that someone is looking or studying is my fear. Even if no one says anything, if I catch them looking, I get upset... +sigh+

Thanks for your reply. Its helped hearing from some guys.

Brian, same goes for you. Thanks for your reply. It helps knowing I am not alone. I'm gonna research this tca peels that you are talking about.

Something that I have been wondering about: Do you guys sleep shirtless? I cant sleep any other way, but im so self-concious about my arms, I cant imagine sleeping next to my wife later in life. I'm sure by that time, I'll have gotten over it. I guess since i'm still young, I can hope for a cure during my lifetime. But is there even any research on this? I mean, nothing happens in our bodys for no reason. There HAS to be a reason why our skin breaks out with KP. What is it telling us?

Yea, don't scrub too hard cause it really messes things up and you'll go backwards cause now your skin will have to heal.
I just exfoliate with a loofah and mellaluca soap(or other gentle soap) every other day. I take showers everyday because I experiemented with taking showers like every 2 days, but I got really stinky, gross feeling and I started getting more white clogged pores rather than just clogged pores. It's like I'm always balancing a fine line just to get not gross skin and it seems like perfect skin is just gonna be like a miracle. There are some patches on my arms that aren't affected, how? i have no clue. This is so frustrating and believe me, you aren't gonna catch me in a tank top. It is really sadening cause I really want to show off my muscles and all my hard work. but like you even if no one says anything, it's those quiet stares and knowing in the back of my mind that it is there. It is also frustrating that I take care of my skin so hard and guys I know who literally take a shower like every week and just could care less about their skin have better skin than me.?!? Sometimes I just sit back and wonder why me?

Lonewolf, although I understand your difficulties, I am going to suggest that you may have some problems with anxiety that you have never addressed. I used to be exactly like you and was terrified of anyone seeing or touching my arms. I was obsessed with my skin and held myself back in so many ways. I felt like no one would ever be able to love me. I also had serious anxiety about other things, and intermittent episodes of insomnia. Then I went on anti-depressants/anti anxiety drugs (Lexapro, and the occasional valium) and now I don't give a **** about what anyone thinks. I met a wonderful man who also has bumps on his arms who loves me to pieces and has never ever once complained about my skin. He didn't even notice it until after our honeymoon when I picked the hell out of my legs and arms. He doesn't worry about his arms, either, and had several very serious relationships before we married. None of his girfriends noticed. I was glad to find someone with similar skin issues, although his is not as bad as mine because he never ever picks at it. I dated like crazy and was always considered a "hottie" and my skin had nothing to do with the way guys perceived me. I just don't think anyone cares as much as you think . Mostly it's just your anxiety talking. Do you ever worry obsessively about other things ? You could have anxiety disorder. It's very common, and totally treatable. Of course, I don't know you well enough to say one way or the other, but it my be something to think about! I know tons about anxiety and depression and sking problems, so feel free to ask me any questions!

Hi Lonewolf,
I'm so sorry that you feel so bad about your skin. My skin used to bother me a lot as well. I was so embarrassed when people saw it, and it made me feel so ugly. But it doesn't bother me as much anymore. Now I just want to get rid of keratosis pilaris for cosmetic reasons...you know, so that it doesn't look like I have a horrible rash when I get pictures taken. Ummm, but do you know what helped me feel better about it though.... I started to think about other people's insecurities. I guess I didn't intentionally set out to start thinking about other people's insecurities, but I guess I figured this out by getting closer to people and having them mention their insecurities to me. Or sometimes just by noticing how people are insecure about certain things. It is such a cliche, but I started to realize that everyone is insecure about at least one thing and that no one thinks that they're perfect. So one day I sat down and really thought about the flaws of a lot of people I know. It is not that I was thinking about their flaws to make me feel better ....not like "their skin is uglier than mine"...but more so because I started to think about how little their so called flaws matter to me and so my flaws wouldn't matter to them either. I hope this makes sense. I will give you some examples. My brother has stretch marks on his shoulders because he grew so fast when he was a teenager, and he is so embarrassed of it. He absolutely hates taking off his shirt, but no one would probably know that this bothers him. You wouldn't know that he thinks about it everytime he puts on a shirt in the morning, because he has to make sure that the shirt is not a tank top. A few years ago he asked me what a girl would say when she saw the stretch marks. I had to laugh, and told him that probably half of the girls he knows has stretch marks. I have a cousin who is so conscious of his body odor. He gets my aunt to buy him all sorts of special deodorants and such. He is supposed to be this perfect gorgeous guy. I went to high school with him, and the girls loved him. Did they know he thinks about his body odor many times a day, no, probably not. And if they did, they obviously didn't care. I have a friend who is so embarrassed by her thighs. It isn't that they are too big for her body, it is just that they look funny because they have no definition. So you'll hardly ever catch her in shorts, and if you do they are over sized and probably draw even more attention to her thighs. I have a friend who hates her nose, a friend who has trouble with her digestion, a friend who thinks she isn't smart and tries to shy away from any "intelligent" conversation. So do you get what I mean. Some of these things affect their life in a lot of ways and do any of these things bother me? Not at all. I just feel like saying to them..."don't even worry about it!" And does my skin bother them? I've asked them, and they say "no, a lot of people have trouble with their skin". And the people around me know I shower...so they aren't thinking I'm dirty or anything. And I just tell them that I have a skin condition, and it will go away over time. So when I feel bad about my skin, I just remind myself of all of this. And with regards to strangers...I have faith that one day my skin will clear up, so I won't have any strange looks or comments. And until then...their thoughts really don't matter me.

So this is just an idea. Maybe you could try thinking about this with the people around you, if you haven't already. I'm sure you could think of things that bother your friends, so this may help you open up to them. But I know it is harder for guys to talk about these things. I have an older brother who comes to me sometimes to talk about problems, and I am so surprised that he often never talks about these things with friends. So I think it may be harder for guys to deal with , but on the other hand, fifi is totally right.... girls won't even care. While you're on the beach worrying about your skin, yet you're proud of your body and have a seemingly nice personality, they'll be worrying about their skin, stomach, cellulite, hairiness, razor burn, breasts....

And one other idea...maybe you could try fixing all the other things that bother you and then your skin, instead of the other way around. There is a chance that your Keratosis Pilaris may stick around for awhile, so try "fixing" all the easier problems in your life. This way you won't be so overwhelmed with everything.

But anyways, good luck with everything.

Awesome post Lindsey Very good and encouraging post! and yes, you are sooo sooo right!!

I'll go on a date with you!! Then you wont have to be self conscious! I live in the Bay Area though....so that might be a problem.... But I consider myself to be a very good looking girl... Do you have MySpace?? Anyone else have MySpace? We have started a small K.P. group on there, although it doesn't get much action... This site is much better for talking about K.P. but it's fun to see pictures of the people in this group. Anyway if anyone wants to know where you can find the group them p.m. me..... Oh yeah~Mr Lonewolf.... Think about the date

I have had KP for as long as I can remember. My mom tells me I had beautiful skin when I was a baby but I developed this condition when I was very young. As a young kid, it didn't bother me because i didn't see anything wrong, until other kids started teasing me about it. My skin started to get really dry, especially on my face, and my classmates started calling me Krusty the Clown because of the dryness and the red cheeks. This was in elementary school. Ever since then I've been so self conscious about my skin. I started wearing foundation on my face in grade 7 to try to hide the redness, but because of that I won't go swimming because I can't wear makeup in the water. I'm now 21 years old and it still causes me to cry myself to sleep at night sometimes because I want it to go away so badly. Most of the people I know don't make fun of me anymore because they've matured but people still comment on it, asking if it's a sunburn on my face, or asking if I'm cold thinking the bumps on my arms are goosebumps. I know they're not making fun of me but the fact that they say these things tells me that they do notice it and this bothers me. It has made me self-conscious and held me back from making a lot of friends. I have always felt like i'm not as pretty as other girls because of my skin, especially the redness and bumps on my face.

I have recently started taking a multi-vitamin everyday, as well as calcium-magnesium supplements. It's only been a few days so I haven't seen much of a change yet. I think it may be getting better but I think that I might just be getting my hopes up. Just like everyone on this site I have tried every topical solution the doctors could think of, but nothing has helped. My dermatologist also told me that I'll grow out of it, but since I've had it for so long I doubt this is true. I'm really hoping to find something that will help so that I can be more confident in myself.

We all understand you, Lonewolf! From what everyone tells me, I'm a super hot chick, and I've gotten even more attractive since, like you, I got into fitness and nutrition. I'm getting more attention and more positive comments about how I look, and I'm more obsessed than ever with the KP on my arms. I HATE IT!!! And I hate being the only chick in long sleeves even when it's mid summer in Alabama. I was in Mexico with some folks for a week and wore long sleeves EVERY DAY! When we went to the pool, I isolated myself several feet away from the group to lay out because I was so embarrassed about my arms. And they told me later, that some other people had asked them "Who is that? Damn, she looks good in a swimsuit." But I was SOOOOO ashamed of my skin. All they saw was the overall body from where I was. I was sure they'd be disgusted if they saw my arms up close. So, I so feel your pain.

Do some research on Salex lotion. It's new and I'm starting it next week. It sounds promising. Right now I'm in one of my more hopeful phases with KP. A mixture of hope and despair comes with having this condition, as you pretty much said in your post.

And Aquarius 84, I have cried myself to sleep too over this on many occasions.

Good to hear you are improving!